I keep wondering when things are going to get better and I’ve pretty much given up. I don’t think things are going to get better I just think they’re going to stay the same. Because nothing has changed for better or worse and I’m still sitting here missing you every single night the way I was a month ago. I never even kissed you and the thought of your lips against mine still breaks my heart because more than anything I wanted you to love me the way you loved him and I don’t know why I thought I could change that and make it happen. The one main thing I’ve learned was that I don’t have the power to change anyone. I can’t change someone. I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t what you wanted and even though you acted like I was for so long I don’t understand why I don’t hate your fucking guts. Instead I hate myself for being so stupid and even liking you to begin with. I’m so stupid for thinking that you were the right one. I keep telling myself you’re just another girl, but you made me so happy, unlike any other girl. all of that is gone now. I no longer get the same feeling I did when we speak. Instead of happiness it’s all sadness. When I see you, I only see him. There were times when you hated yourself and I loved you so much, I still do I can’t lie. But I hope there comes a day where you love your life and you love yourself the way I once did. I want to look into your eyes with fire in mine but you only put the flame out. One day I hope you light a match and allow someone who’s way better than me to look at you the way I’ve always wanted to.
Who post pin-up pictures on their walls all day long, idolize their favorite rappers and know all their songs. Or for anyone who’s ever been through shit in their lives, so they sit and they cry at night wishing they’d die. Till they throw on a rap record, they sit and they vibe. We’re nothing to you, but we’re the fucking shit in their eyes.